TO THE ONE I FRIENDZONED, SORRY.

I’m sorry. But I know that sorry cannot take back everything I’ve put you through. It can never truly fix the way I hurt you. I got so used to always having you around that I seemed to forget that you had feelings, too. I was selfish. I know that now.

I wanted to keep you all to myself, but I didn’t want to be with you. I thought my lack of feelings for you gave me a certain control over you. I liked being in control for once, and that’s why I couldn’t let you go. I knew you weren’t going to one day stop responding to my texts or cheat on me with someone else because you were the one with feelings. I wanted to keep you close because I knew you were one of the only guys who would never hurt me.

TO BE LOVED LESS

When you are loved less, it brands you with a feeling of insecurity that can strike you as hard as a five fingered slap. When you are loved less, you give more, you try harder and you lose more. When you are loved less, your memories are more defined. Every word from the person you love more takes on a new meaning and you remember things that they easily forget. When you are loved less, you have no control. When you are loved less, you hold on to every last bit even when your relationship is breaking. You beg, you plead, you cry; you panic, because if this person who loves you less leaves you, what does that say about your heart and your soul and all of the pieces they will take with them when they leave?

THE MORNING AFTER

I once read somewhere that if you wake up one morning, and even before you are fully conscious, the insides of your stomach churn revoltingly at something you did, then you know you have royally messed up.

We wake up one morning and know for sure that we do not have enough willpower to get out of bed and face the world. We look back at the happenings of yester-night, the week before that and two years before that morning, and the only emotion we feel is disgust...

THE LAST GOODBYE; TRIBUTE TO A GREAT UNCLE

You said goodbye many times before, but it was always with the unspoken promise, that we would see you again.
You were always the more laid back, especially in your recent days, but daddy tells me tales of your youth, you lived life to its fullest.
My cousins, a good reflection of the man you were;Loving, caring, and a man who was always a pillar, for his family, his friends, whenever they, we, needed  someone to keep us from falling.
You served people, but you served God with a much greater zeal, I am sure you are in a happy place.
I am still hurting from your loss, and Aunty and the boys too, I can't even begin to explain the anguish I have seen on their faces, the sorrow in their voices, how will they get through this? How?